"Piomingo"

by Lindsey Williams

The flames went high into the sky, and the smoke even higher. Sitting with fellow braves, but I was a warrior. Five years of Camp Piomingo, and I have nothing to despair. Leo sat to my left, a camp counselor, a hero in my life. In his sweaty left palm sat a simple blue feather, nothing to anyone outside of camp, but the world to me. I have grown so much from my past. I am a warrior.

My parents had gotten a divorce, I had quit the swim team, my mother and I had moved, and I was not happy. We were in the car going to a place called Camp Piomingo, which mother thought would be a good summer getaway from all the drama of life going on. When I arrived, I felt welcomed by bouncy camp counselors, and yet, I felt like I was an outsider because I didn’t know the camp traditions, or songs. I had no camp spirit, and only participated in the swimming portion everyday. I had no choice because they would have tossed me in anyway. A counselor spotted the sadness in my eyes.

“What’s on your mind?” as if he had known me for years.

“Nothing, ” I replied sheepishly. But he was not convinced. He saw right through me. We talked for hours on a picnic table in the unit, and I automatically, thought of him as a brother like figure. Jason was his name, a fun, silly, and caring counselor who had no intention of hurting me and to this day, still doesn’t know that he did. Instantly, I knew I wanted to come back next year.

Finally, its summer, and I am going to camp for the fifth time. I have so much stored up inside, and I finally get to see Jason this one month out of the WHOLE YEAR! I see the Camp Piomingo sign; my heart is racing a thousand beats per second, but when I stepped out of the car and took a deep breath of that sweet camp air, something seemed different. No new trees, No new activities, no new atmosphere, but still different. I felt heavy weights on my chest as I jumped back in the car and started riding towards my unit I was assigned to. I jumped out of the car and ran towards the other amazing counselor that I had also grown attached to. I quickly noticed some shock in his eyes, as if he knew what I was going to ask.

“I’m happy to see you Lindsey, but Jason is…uh, not here anymore…he got into a new camp, a art camp, you know how much he loves art, so he works there now.” Secretly, I felt like that scared little girl that I was when I first went to camp. I felt stupid for thinking a 20 year-old would care about some kid’s feelings. I felt the world tapping me on the shoulder whispering, “You’re going to cry” Over, and over again. All I wanted to do was mope around, and Leo knew this would happen.

Like the first year of camp, I didn’t want to participate in any activities, or even the swimming part of it. Leo and I sat out everyday at swim time to talk under the shade tree and draw. We talked about music, art and our beliefs. I felt better everyday after swim time. But I still did not participate in any activities. I regretted it when I came home from my two-week stay, and I begged mom to let me go again. She quickly paid the fee for me to be a “Trailblazer” for two more weeks, which meant I was going out-of-state for activities, and I was excited.

We were in Wisconsin this particular trip and the joy of waterfall jumping and kayaking on Lake Superior had set Jason aside, and I was happy. At the end of those two weeks on a Thursday we were back at camp and were preparing for “Final Campfire,” where people could get recognized for growing as a person at camp, and just a goodbye ceremony. They lit up the magnificent fire that was about 8 feet tall to cause more intensity than needed.

I was sitting next to Leo, who was holding a feather in his left hand, a simple blue feather that you could buy at a craft store for 25 cents, but it meant more to me than that. If I got that feather, it means I’m a warrior. If I get presented with that feather, that means I have done all the activities, that I have conquered my fears, that I have shown great leadership to my unit and that I have grown as a person. I wanted that feather, and he knew it.

Soon enough, it was Leo’s turn to go up in the center of the counsel ring and present his blue-feathered warrior from his unit to the rest of the camp. He held that feather in the air, and explained what it meant, he said the name of that warrior, and that warrior was me. I stood like, an Indian who just won a mighty war against whites, and their thunder sticks, like a bird that had no wings, but still flew, and I walked up to the center of that counsel ring, in front of the whole camp, and accepted that feather.

I realized while Leo was talking to me, that I have completely forgotten about Jason, and I’m having lots of fun without him. I stopped zoning out when I heard Leo say, “I’m so proud that you got warrior this year, you really deserve it.” I didn’t think that he saying that would mean so much, but it did. I had felt better than I ever have felt about myself.

I know how hard it is when someone that is dear to you leaves you. I know from my parents getting divorced, from the death of family members and even just a friend leaving your side. I know how it feels to be left alone in this world. I know what it feels like to think no one will understand how you feel. More importantly, I know what it feels like to not notice that someone right under your nose is there for you that you haven’t noticed before. I have felt pain, suffering, and despair. But, what I always think of when I feel like that is that, I’m a warrior. I am a warrior, and no one can take that away from me. Now, I know that it wasn’t the feather itself that I wanted so badly, it was to know that I am a warrior and through all the highs a lows I’ve gone, I have grown into a better person. I AM a warrior.