Being
the first born of four daughters.
Going
to preschool at age four.
Starting
kindergarten in public school.
Stopping
sucking my thumb
Learning
to swim.
Learning
to ride a two-wheeled bike
Learning
to read.
Moving
with my family at age 7 and making new friends in the neighborhood
Living
in a neighborhood with friends as close as across the street.
Spending
the night at a friends’ house.
Learning
to play the piano
Going
to summer camp for three weeks, for six years in a row.
Being
athletic, participating in sports, being outstanding in something.
Learning
to read Hebrew.
Learning
to speak and read Spanish.
Learning to type on a manual typewriter
Going
to school dances and not being asked to dance by a boy
Having
my own bedroom in the basement, alone down there.
Taking
jazz dance lessons and performing on stage
Having
to repeat a Math class because I didn’t get it thoroughly
Gaining
30 pounds in high school and being overweight
Learning
that rights come with responsibilities
Having
group experiences with Jewish friends within organizations
Losing
my piano teacher to accidental death.
Being
a swimmer on high school and college teams
Becoming
certified to lifeguard and teach swimming lessons, and using the skills in a
job
Learning
to drive a car
Being
infatuated with someone ten years older and being unable to convey my feelings
Having
a boyfriend who was a dream come true, only to find that the fantasy was better
than the reality
Going
on a camping trip with peers
Going
to Finishing School as a result of parental pressure
Selecting
a college
Travel
to Israel
Having
a friendship with a birdwatcher and becoming a birdwatcher, too
Transferring
from a small liberal arts predominantly Jewish college in Massachusetts to a
large state university in Washington, and realizing that being a student is a
part of my total identity
Meeting
the Nigerian community
My
first sexual experience
Being
in a long-term relationship
Having
multiple sex-partners
Marrying
the person to whom I lost my virginity
Realizing
I had unwittingly given my parents control
Having
an unwanted pregnancy
Having
an abortion
Realizing
my husband knows me more than I want to admit
Making
choices in direct opposition to my background
Experiencing
racial prejudice and ignorance from my own family
Feeling
unable to disconnect the ties with my parents
Being
forced to confront issues before I was sufficiently mature to handle them
Realizing
how naïve I was and how sheltered I had been
Making
costly mistakes and living with the consequences
Getting
married secretly
Revealing
the secret of my marriage to my mother and father
Having
a therapist
Keeping
secrets from my husband
Traveling
to Nigeria
Paying
a bribe
Being
fired from a job
Living
with a relative who is irresponsible
Relating
to my sisters as adult peers
Becoming
pregnant
Having
children
Parenting
Putting
my children in daycare so I can work outside the home
Thinking
about the “D” word - Divorce
Yelling
at my child
Coveting
my neighbor’s life
Having
an extra-marital affair for nearly 3 years
Hiding
facts from my doctor to protect a secret I am keeping from the world
Smoking
marijuana regularly
Becoming
a homeowner
Understanding
the power of denial
Being
assaulted by my lover
Meeting
for a tryst in a motel
Paying
a lawyer to settle a potential lawsuit
Seeing
my husband cry
Keeping
secrets from my family
Not
being able to confirm the truth in my aunt’s observation
that
our youngest son has a different look than the other children
Dealing
with the ostracism and condemnation from the local community regarding my
transgression
Having to go out in public with my son and
acknowledge the judgment of Nigerians
Receiving
reaction to my sins from the Chukwu family
Feeling
loved despite my transgressions
Becoming
involved with the Jewish community in Seattle
Becoming close
friends with a marijuana grower
Eliana Jacobs-Chukwu